Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
Step Eight asks only that we make this list and become willing to make amends.
Here, we are not making any amends, or even making an absolute decision whether we will make an amends to all those harmed, including ourselves. For now, we simply focus on making the list and becoming willing.
We now begin to include other people, outside of the fellowship, we had harmed as a result of our addiction. Our nicotine addiction brought about behaviors and attitudes that negatively impacted those who may have been, or may still be, dear to us, as well as acquaintances, and even complete strangers. They may be people, or even pets, who have passed away or we will never see again. They can even be people we harmed during our recovery process. It doesn’t matter the reason or lack of reason, whether intended or by accident, whether initiated by us or the other person—the focus is on the harm or damage we caused by our behaviors and attitudes. This also includes the disrespect inflicted and the toxic physical harm we caused others due to our secondhand smoke, as well as the places we littered carelessly when we discarded our butts or spit juice.
Made a list of all persons we had harmed, first, so that we can be conscious and thorough about the consequences of our actions. Reviewing what we wrote down in our inventory in Step Four can help us work Step Eight. It is essential to write down the names (or incidents if we can’t recall names) and not simply try to keep track of them in our heads. Again, you may want to safeguard your writings in a secure space until you decide what is appropriate to share with others.
8-1: What are the many different ways a person might harm another?
8-2: Of these ways, which were/are ways that I have harmed others?
8-3: From childhood until now, have I stolen, lied, cheated, broken a trust, ridiculed, harassed, gossiped, neglected, manipulated, been self righteous, set a bad or poor
example to children, physically injured a person or damaged property?___
Describe and list.
8-5: Were/are there certain people, or types of people, who I typically harmed, disrespected, ignored, etc.?
8-6: What consistent patterns of my behavior can I identify that have done harm to me and others?
8-7: Have I caused damage simply by being careless?___________If so, when?
8-8: What feelings—such as anger, resentment, jealousy, intolerance—are involved in these behaviors? Why?
8-9: Can I accept that no matter the reason or feeling that drove my behavior, I am responsible and an amends can be appropriate?_______
8-10: How might I organize my list? By relationship? By periods of time in my life? By location? By behavior?______Explain why.
8-11: Who are the people I have harmed most recently?
8-13: How have I harmed and limited myself by using nicotine?
8-14: How have I harmed and limited myself by other behaviors?
8-15: Who on my list do I now accept that I need to forgive for harms they have done to me?
Became willing to make amends to them all because willingness is where change begins, and again, thoroughness is our esteemed goal. Apologies can be powerful, yet to fully make amends is to make positive changes in our behavior and reduce the potential for harms we could cause in the future.
Although amends are to be made humbly, we do so not to feel less than, or even more than, other people. Step Eight is the beginning of a process leading toward feeling equal to others. We are “cleaning up our act» and living humbly in the world with others. However, when we work Step Nine, it will be made clear that this process is neither intended to be an emotional dumping to unburden ourselves at the expense of others, nor done with a brutal honesty that could cause further harm.
8-16: What has been helping me become willing to work these Steps to this point?
8-17: In what specific ways have my sponsor, my Higher Power, and / or other members helped me to become willing to work this Step?
8-18: How am I benefitted by being willing to make amends?
8-19: When I actually make an amends, how do I think I will benefit?
8-20: What benefits to others would I expect from my making an amends?
8-21: How can I become willing when I don’t want to make an amends?
8-22: Do I have resentments toward people in general that impede my willingness to make amends?_______Explain.
8-23: Are there people to whom I am afraid to make amends?__List them and
describe why the fear exists.
8-24: Am I willing to put into practice the Third Step Prayer and «pray for all those to whom I’ve been unkind and ask that they are granted the same peace that I seek»?__________
8-25: Can I divide my list between those to whom I can make direct amends, and those who will require an indirect or general amends?_________Make two lists.
8-26: What type of actions can I take to make indirect or general amends?
8-27: Do I understand that just saying «I’m sorry» may not be enough to truly make amends?______Explain.
8-28: Do I understand that just changing my behavior may not be enough to truly make amends?______Explain.
8-29: If I am «stuck» and cannot think of people I may have harmed besides myself, am I willing to stay open-minded in case I do recall someone in the future?_
8-30: Can I identify how my honesty, courage, faith, humility, and compassion have grown as a result of working this Step?_Describe how and why for each.
8-31: Can I identify how my relationship with my Higher Power has grown as a result of working this Step?_______Explain.